Allow me to open by saying that I’m at another crossroads of sorts. An interesting moment it seems, as to be aware of where I am -or so I think- and where I may be approaching. Again, allow me to reiterate, these are just my inner observations, and as such subject to distortion. Nonetheless, I am approaching graduation which raises the question, “Am I ready?” Now, obviously, this question applies to a wide variety of aspects. All of which are characterised by the transition from home-life into the real world.
…and you know what? I don’t feel ready. I don’t feel that the world will accept me. I don’t feel that I will have a place in the world. I don’t feel that I will get anywhere in the world. This is the awakening that I may have been subconsciously delaying all of these years, but now it presents itself, and I have no clue what to do.
I am coming upon a time in my life in which I will have to face the real world, and in a sense, face reality. I know the real world won’t wait for me, and with this is carried the idea that I need to learn. I need to keep up, or drown. The thing that scares me is I feel that I won’t be able to keep up, and that I won’t get into university, and that I won’t get anywhere.
It is sort of a daunting thought really. I certainly don’t feel prepared.
I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for life. I don’t know what to do. It’s overwhelming.
Allow me to start by saying I consider myself fairly self-aware. I know of my problems, I know of what I desire, and I know of what I don’t. I oft. find myself re-evaluation aspects of my life on a day-to-day basis. Given this, I find it somewhat interesting to view my own taste in music change, while appreciating and exploring this change.
To continue, each significant change in my taste of music is marked by one song. This one song could, and has, been completely different to things that I have listened to before. This one song, whatever it may be, usually captivates me, and has me delving into a new world of music. It was Fallout 3 that led me to swing/big band, and in the pursuit of that, I found myself at “Jolie Coquine” by Caravan Palace. This song had me obsessed with electroswing. Months later, it was
Given, it doesn’t have much lyrical substance. Or any for that matter, but it was so catchy that I had to know more. Little did I know, that I was entering the world of house/progressive house. I found content to keep my blog alive. I will try to post a song-a-day that I like.
I fear that people would discover me for who I am, realise what little worth I have, or even my hypocritical tendencies. Now a huge curiousity burns in me. Who was it posted by? If you so much as have the urge to say something like that, at least let me know who you are. If I ignore you, or others, how am I going to know who it is?
Considering that, it’s also a response of sorts. I feel neglected by the world, so I respond in kind. Which came first? I feel bad, but I knew it would happen.
I’ve dug myself into this whole, and I am not clearly going to get out.